| (no subject) |
[Mar. 19th, 2004|07:07 pm] |
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I can't really post in this journal anymore. Nope. *sniff sniff* I love you all. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 24th, 2004|10:19 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crappy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | suffocate - remedy | ] |
sorry I haven't updated in so long...things have been insaaaane.
So. I was hospitalized on January 20, 2004. I was there for 8 fecking days. A fecking MENTAL HOSPITAL.
Now I have been 35 days cut-free. If I cut again, I go back. My mum does random "arm checks". I WANT TO DIE. This is way too hard. I want to just QUIT. GIVE UP. But I can't...I just can't...
I miss cutting. It was like my best friend. My soulmate. I feel empty...alone...abandoned...dead... I crave the cut. I crave that euphoric feeling. I crave blood. I crave pain. I want it all. But I can't have it. Ohhh no. I am NOT going back THERE. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 13th, 2004|04:11 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | box of sharp objects - the used | ] |
well, considering I just joined about half a million communities, I'd best do my intro all over again.
yes, hello, my name's bekah. i'm 15 and have been cutting for a year. i use needles, paperclips, scissors, safety pins, my fingernails, and other various small pointed objects. i don't use razors or knives yet, but i want to really bad! i guess it's a matter of courage. i dunno. i make some pretty impressive cuts with what i use now. nice deep trenches in my arms that leave beautiful scars.
i've been seeing a therapist for about 2 months now (because my mum's making me) and a psychiatrist too. ick. i went on zoloft, it didn't work, so now i'm being FORCED to take lexapro. it's not working either. anyway, i'm like bipolar, ocd, schizophrenic, and a whole shitload of other stuff.
hey anyone who wants to talk, i have AIM and MSN messenger ^_^
{<<[*artwork to be posted soon*]>>} |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 9th, 2004|04:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  enraged | ] |
| [ | music |
| | box of sharp objects - the used | ] |
my scars are fading. fuck that makes me mad. I want to make more -- now. steak knives in the kitchen...*skips off merrily to get one* oh this is going to be fun, I can tell. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 30th, 2003|08:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  artistic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | here without you - 3 doors down | ] |
some stuffs.
me. yep. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 30th, 2003|04:44 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cold | ] |
| [ | music |
| | papercut - linkin park | ] |
I drew this a few days ago when I was feeling really depressed. I wanted to cut so badly. But I drew this instead. My hands were shaking the whole time though.
What do you think??? |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 30th, 2003|04:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | breathe no more - evanescence | ] |
Hey, cyberspace.
I'm Bekah. 15 years of age.
What's wrong with me?: I've got some type of deep, complicated, permanent depression. And my therapist says there's a fair chance I'm bipolar and OCD as well. Yay. I have also been a cutter for almost a year now. Suicide has only crossed my mind a few times, but I know it's there.
Friend me and I'll friend you back. ^_^ |
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blood_paradox's journal